THE POWER OF OUR WORDS

       What we say and how we say it is a reflection of our thoughts and belief systems. Words are energy. They have a vibration and the energy and vibration of the words affects not only who we are talking to, but who we are talking about as well as ourselves and the results we create in our lives.
       When we talk we are either speaking words that create increase or decrease. When someone is focused on negative, limited thinking they will speak in the language that creates decrease. It usually entails thoughts of , "why me?" "I never get a break" and "life is hard!". They are constantly living in the past or the future and are very inward focused. When someone chooses to focus on the positive they are more focused on being in gratitude. They are problem solvers and solution finders. They live in the moment and are outward focused.
       When I am first meeting with a client I listen carefully to the words they use because they are a good indication of how they think and what they focus on. For instance, if they are saying things like, "He MADE me mad." or "I HAD to do whatever for someone." I know that they are living in a space of victim and being a martyr and are giving their power away and is an indication of how energywork can help them.
          The truth is no one can MAKE you mad without your permission. The minute you give them permission you are also giving them your power. Why do you think your kids love to push your buttons so much? Subconsciously, we give away our power because they hit one of our sore spots and triggered our fear button, not enough button,  feeling out of control button, or our irritation button. Then we habitually react to the situation and give it power to create negative energy. Becoming more aware of your thoughts, weaknesses and triggers allows you to step back and look at it with a better perspective. Then you are at choice and can take complete responsibility for how you feel act towards the situation. It will give you more power and insight to think of a positive solution, or if there isn't an immediate solution you can choose to put it a place of neutrality in Gods hands. That way you are not using up all your energy living in fear, worry, and/or anger.
       Also, unless someone is threatening you no one can MAKE you do anything. Usually the things we do that we say we HAVE to do are because we don't want the consequences if we don't. If we are doing something just to please someone else or to avoid a negative consequence we are still CHOOSING to do it. So if you are constantly being MADE to do things or HAVE to do things then I would analyze your motive for doing them. Are you giving your power away? Are you being a people pleaser at the expense of your own health and happiness? Are you reacting instead of acting proactively to the circumstances around you? Do you need to set some boundaries in your relationships? Do you need to shift your attitude around the tasks you are feeling MADE to do? Doing things because we HAVE TO will zap your energy and passion for life quick.
       I currently have a client that is a great example of not being a victim and a martyr of your circumstances. This client has a very negative wife and depressed. She is always criticizing him. No matter what he does he can't do anything right or please her in any way.  She is open to seeing a counselor so he is hopeful that between that, the right medication, and showing her unconditional love she will begin to change and they can create a happy marriage. During this time he has made the choice that despite his wife's attitude he is going to be happy. He is choosing to focus on what is working in his life instead of what isn't. He understands that happiness comes from within and it isn't his wife's job to make him happy. He looks for and talks about the good things or even what he dreams his marriage will be some day when it is healed. He writes her love letters and focuses on who he knows she really is inside, not how she is currently behaving. Despite how she treats him he treats her like the daughter of God that she is. As he comes in each week I am amazed at how he is able to maintain a high vibration despite the circumstances that he is living in. He also understands how harmful it is to stuff his emotions so he comes on a weekly basis to clear his frustrations and things that come up so he isn't harboring resentment or anger. What a powerful example he is being to his children by showing them that your circumstances don't have to dictate your attitude. As he uses positive words, behaves in a positive respectful manner, and continues to create habits that will create a healthy marriage he can feel good about himself and that he did everything he could to make his marriage work. Then whether this marriage works out or not he won't have any regrets because he gave it his all.
     Now lets look at a few of the words we say that create low vibrational energy verses words that create high vibrational energy. This is called speaking the language of increase verses the language of decrease:
                    I'll try----------verses---------------I will
                    I have to-------verses---------------I get to
                    I can't----------verses-------------- even though it won't be perfect or I'll work towards it
                    It's hard--------verses--------------its challenging                  
                    I don't have the $ ------verses-----I choose to spend my abundance on other things
                    I have (illness) verses--------------I am experiencing the symptoms of
                 
       As we look deeper into the power if the words you use, if you asked someone to do something for you which words would make you feel more secure?  The response of, "I'll try to" verses the response of "I will." Obviously, if someone says, "I will" there is a lot better change of them coming through. Another example is, if I ask you to pick up a pen off the table there is no try. You either pick it up or you don't. Now you might be saying what about those things that you do that you don't know if you can or not but your willing to try them. Trying is definitely better than letting fear of failure get in your way but what about instead of trying to lose weight, your learning how to let your body release weight. (You always want to find what you've lost.) Or you're working towards getting into a size smaller than you currently are. The words "I will", "I'm learning how", or "I'm working towards" definitely speak the possibility of success more than "I'll try."
       Lets look at "I have to" verses "I get to." If there is a task that you don't want to do like unloading the dishwasher. Say out loud, "I HAVE to unload the dishwasher." Now say, "I GET to unload the dishwasher." Even though your still not super excited to unload the dishwasher, saying, "I get to" verses, "I have to" totally changes the energy around the task.
       Then there's the words "I can't". Now it's a no brainer that the minute you say I can't your brain believes you. So this is where you "get" to give yourself permission to make mistakes while your going through the learning curve. Now there are things that you can't do obviously. As much as I have had dreams that I could, I can't fly. However, if there is something I'm feeling inspired to do that is out of my comfort zone. I will be a lot more successful in my life if I give my permission to do it, even if there is a possibility of failure while you figure it out or increase your abilities and knowledge about how to do it successfully.
       Listen to the how heavy the words, "Its hard" are. I workout with a great group of girls in the morning. Strengthening your core is very important to include in a workout, but is my LEAST favorite thing to do.  Holding your body up in a side plank while balancing on the sides of your feet and your elbow with your other hand in the air for 90 seconds is not my favorite thing to do. However, my back is an area that is important to me to strengthen because of an injury I had when I was little. Notice I didn't speak that I have back problems or claim that my back is weak. To speak about this exercise in the language of increase we have committed to say that planks are challenging and even fulfilling, not hard and it does feel like an accomplishement when they are done.
       Continually having money problems? Scarcity mindset, and scarcity talk is a big reason why people continually attract to them just enough or don't even attract enough money to get them though the month. An abundance mindset and talking in an abundant way is a powerful way to start attracting abundance to you. Even if you only have enough money to pay your bills with nothing left over saying, "I choose to spend my abundance on food, and electricity" creates a lot more possibilities than saying, "I can't afford that" or worse, "I'm broke."
       Last but not least lets talk about an illnesses. The words "I have" means to claim or own. The minute you say, "I have cancer" or whatever the illness is, you are claiming it as part of you.   Saying, "I have an illness is like welcoming someone  into your home that wants to harm you and giving them a room to live in. When you say, "I'm experiencing the effects of or symptoms of..." whatever it is, it acknowledges that something is going on, but there is all the possibility in the world that it will heal or that you can overcome it.
       I encourage you to really notice the words you say and the energy behind them. Do you speak the language of increase or decrease? Are you focused on the possibilities or the limitations? What is working or what isn't working? Are you focused on all your blessings or what you lack? I would love to hear any experiences you may have that create different results just from using the language of increase verses the language of decrease.
     
     

     

     

I Will Not Be A Casualty of Fear!

I love it when universal life tools manifest during a session! With this clients permission I want to share an amazing tool for overcoming fear, anxiety, and depression.

I have learned from my own struggles with depression that when I am depressed it is because I have been giving my power away and usually it has something to do with control or the lack of, and fear.
This particular client spent the week not really being a able to function because she had been giving 60% of her power away through negative thoughts to things she felt like she had no control over. Any machine doesn't work very well when it's only functioning at 40% of its capacity!

As we dug into it further I helped her to realized the following pattern that has been creating a lot of dysfunction in her life: 

Wanting to control something or someone outside of her.

Which leads to.....

Fear 

which leads to....

Feeling frantic and anxious

which leads to...

Being disconnected from herself and the spirit 

which leads to...

Inability to make wise decisions 

which leads to.... 

Feeling stuck 

which leads to....

Depression, hopelessness, and despair

Which leads to...

Physically and mentally not having the energy to effectively function in life.

So here is the tool!

Now that she is aware of this she can choose to stop the insanity by tuning into when she is feeling powerless and out of control before it gets to the disconnection and depression stage by asking.....

What is it I am trying to control that I can't?

Then ask...

Who and/or what am I blaming for this issue? (that only keeps the negative energy going)
 
Then ask...

How can I use the atonement of Jesus Christ to help me forgive who I need to forgive (usually it's yourself) and to give me strength? If you look up grace in the bible dictionary it says, "the main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ."

Then ask...

If I was to look at this situation through eyes of faith and trust instead of fear and doubt what would I see differently about this situation?

Then ask....

What is within my power to change and what do I need to let go of and turn over to God trusting that all is in divine order for everyone's growth and learning?

Boom! You are back to receiving the power that faith brings into your life rather than giving your power away to fear, hopelessness, and depression.

Is there a such a thing as the perfect parent?
It would be nice if family life looked like the picture on the right all the time. However, more than likely you will have one child who is excited and on board with the activity you want them to do and other children who are resistant it. It's the resistance that creates the perfect opportunity for learning and growth on part of the parent as well as the child.

I don't know about you but I didn't look down at my newborn and say, "Boy! I am so excited to be your parent so I can screw you up!" But, as I am moving into a new season of life and the youngest of my four children is 18 I am seeing many results of my parenting that have created positive things as well as what many would feel were negative in my children's lives. 

I just got off the phone with one of my coaching clients,  who was feeling bad about a parenting decision she made when her daughter was little. I am also coaching her adult daughter. In her daughters session last week her intention was that she wanted to be more confident and assertive. As we energetically (because her energy has all her answers) dug into what experiences created the result of her not feeling confident or assertive it went back to when she was little and she wanted to look cute and wear dresses to school.  Her mom, worrying that her legs would be cold in the snowy, winter weather made her wear pants. The mom obviously had her daughter best interests at heart. She was not trying to create low self worth. in her daughter, but because her daughter couldn't dress the way that she wanted she didn't feel heard, valued, and more specifically understood. When I talked to the mother, she felt terrible to learn that decisions she had made in an effort to protect and care for her daughter could have had such a negative impact. She wondered how many other parenting decisions, seemingly made in good faith, had hurt her children's lives.


The reality of this situation is that everything is IN PERFECT ORDER! Because of the mom's actions the daughter is having the perfect  opportunity to learn how to live her truth and discover her value. This is something we all have to learn, and usually doesn't happen until we are adults. Even though as a six year old the daughter, to be obedient, she had to wear pants; this experience and others that followed have provided her with the learning opportunity necessary empower her as an adult to quit giving her power away to others.  She now knows that she does not like the results that she has been getting her whole life by giving her power away and worrying what others think and is asking the questions necessary to learn how to create something different. PERFECT!

Her mom was the PERFECT MOM for her to learn what she came here to learn! Just because we have a child that is experiencing some bumps and bruises in life that we can see how we may have naively contributed too doesn't mean we failed as a parent! It's part of the cycle of growth and learning and gaining the experience that we all agreed to when we chose into Heavenly Fathers plan.

Now that I am at the stage in the parenting game that my children are adults, I have come to realize that my children have been as big of a teacher to me as I have been to them.  Now we both have the choice and opportunity to look at the lessons that we have taught each other and learn from them or to sit and beat each other up for them. 

The truth is EVERYONE in our life is a teacher in some way or another. The key is to be teachable!  When we are teachable and ask, "What can I learn from this experience?" the lessons that different people and experiences teach us will be a lot shorter and we will grow a lot faster. But the most rewarding part is that if we can trust that it's all in divine order instead of getting down on ourselves for our mistakes we will be much happier, our burdens will be much lighter, and life will actually be more fulfilling. And lets not forget that the biggest lesson that we are all here to learn is that we all have worth and value even though we are not perfect.

So parents put away the beat up stick for what you may consider to be mistakes. Mistakes are merely learning opportunities and its part of Gods plan that we all have plenty of them.

Do You Have A Heartwall?

Many times in my practice I find that people put up a heart wall. This is a fortress that we build around are heart when we have been badly hurt. Some walls can be miles thick.

The paradox is that the belief that they have to keep people at a safe distance keeps the pain from the hurt locked inside. It keeps anyone away that might be able to love them enough to heal the pain, especially God. It also keeps them from being able to really love others.

So in reality this wall is only protecting them from love flowing out and love coming in and the hurt festers and the pain only escalates.

For some this leads to numbing the pain with alcohol, drugs, porn, food, exercise, T.V., video games, or what ever their brain and Satan tricks them into thinking it will fill the void.

For others the price is relationships that don't work, loneliness, the absence of feeling the power of God in their life.

Whatever the price, it's costly. It's a false belief and lowers their light, the light of Christ, the only real protection we have.

When our light is low Satan has a lot more power over us than when it is bright. He can't come into the light.

Getting rid of the beliefs that are creating a heart-wall so you can let it go is actually easier than the chaos and havoc a heart-wall creates.

If you are wondering if you have a heart wall go to my website and schedule a free mini-session and if you do I will help you to get rid of your heart wall so you can create healthier and happier relationships.

Walking In Partnership With Christ

As I was praying this morning, asking for guidance and direction in my life I had this knowing that Christ wants to be in equal partnership with me. He doesn't want to walk infront of me making every decision for me, he doesn't want to walk behind me, only being included till I am in a crisis, nor does he want to be shut out and excluded from my life. He wants to walk beside me, supporting me as my brother as well as my Savior and friend.

 Each and everyone of us was born with the light of Christ. As it says in D&C 88:11, "And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickenth your understandings." We as spiritual sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father were tutored, and given all the knowledge needed for this earthly journey in the pre-existence. Within each and everyone of us is the knowledge of who we are, where we came from, what our missions are on this earth, and how to get back to him. However, our Father in Heaven put a veil in place in our minds so that knowledge has to be sought after and rediscovered. When we hear and are reminded of that pure knowledge our bosoms will burn, and we will know we are remembering truth. We will know that we are on the right path,  making good decisions, and living true to who we are.

The key to being able to feel that light is that we have to be engaged in life. A ship can not be guided as long as it is in port. Only when it is sailing can it be guided and directed towards its destination. There are many who are so afraid of making a mistake or doing something wrong that they give their power away to Christ, wanting him to make all their decisions for them, not moving till they are told what their next step is. They spend their time feeling frustrated and confused, deciding that they just must not be important enough to get answers to their prayers. Others, for one reason or another are disconnected from their light. They feel that they have to do everything themselves. That God and Jesus are not there.  Either they don't exist or they don't care and they live their lives independent of turning to that light inside them which is connected to our Heavenly Father for guidance and direction. Instead they rely on logic, and worldly influences to make their decisions. Wondering why they feel so lost, disconnected, and life is so hard.

Neither of those scenarios works very well if we want to live a happy and fulfilling life. Life is meant to be challenging. It is meant to have opposition and heartache. But it is much easier if we don't sail it alone. Sometimes we have to leave the safety of our port and start sailing before we can get that confirmation that we are going the right direction. There are times when we might sail off course, or have to sail through rough seas. Gratefully, each and everyone of us has the light of Christ within us. It is our compass and will direct us on our journey. Each of our journeys are different. No one will have the same life's experiences as the next, but we all have one common purpose. To let our light shine before men, that others may see our good works and glorify our Father which is in Heaven. (Matthew 5:16) It is through our works that we fulfill our mission and feel fulfilled in life and have joy. And as we are told in Nephi 2:25 "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."

Thoughts Create Your Energy

The degree that satan can have any power over us is directly related to our self worth. It's when we feel less than and not enough that we look for ways to fill that hole inside us. It might be an unhealthy relationship, an addiction of any kind, body issues, over serving, over doing, the list could go on and on.

It's our low self worth that keeps that bully called negative talk going in our heads 24/7 and leads to fear, doubt, anxiety, and depression. When you love your self you no longer are willing to stand for that self abuse and you will feel whole and complete, which by the way, is really the definition of perfection. You won't need to numb the pain or expect someone else to complete you. So today silence the bully! Quit falling for its lies! If they were the truth it would resonate with your spirit and you wouldn't feel so bad inside.

Could it be that if we all could love ourselves satan would be bound because he would no longer have any control over us? There would not be a way to make us feel bad, sick, or wrong or to tempt us to do things that lower our light. That it would totally open up the space to feel our Heavenly Fathers love and the love of our brother, Jesus Christ and our light would shine so bright that all of our works would glorify our God which in heaven?

What one negative thought do you think on a daily basis that if you no longer bought into it and allowed it to affect how you feel about yourself would make a huge difference in your self worth? What opposite positive thought could you create a positive affirmation around to stop that bully in its tracks? A thought That would give you more courage to be the beautiful person God KNOWS you to be.

Take inventory today. I promise it will come up. You will know when it happens. Your energy will diminish, your stomach will feel yucky, and your chest will feel tight. Maybe it's an event that if you process why it upset you, you will get to the core negative belief it triggered and that is why it upset you.

Once you're clear on what negative belief or emotion you are allowing to let control how you feel about yourself use a positive affirmation to defend yourself against that bully. It will be your sword of truth, defending the essence of who you really are. A SON OR DAUGHTER OF GOD WITH INFINITE WORTH AND VALUE!

Perfect Love Casteth Out All Fear

As I was reading this morning and read the phrase that "pure love casts out all fear," it practically jumped off the page. I have a sticky note on my desk that says, "what would I do today if I had no fear?" Fear is a thief. It steals our personal power, and keeps us bound by our own insecurities. The core of every insecurity is one of four things. Fearing what others might think of us, fear of not being loved, fear of failing, and feeling unworthy of love, and the abundance God has for us. Pure  love, loving ourselves as Christ  does, gives us us  the personal power to live our truth no matter what others think. Being pure love cancels out judgement which allows us to love ourselves and others and us to feel others love for us.  It  allows us to believe in ourselves while allowing us to make mistakes and learn from them as we strive to reach our goals and do hard things. Last the pure love of Christ gives us pure knowledge that there is nothing that we have to do, prove, or be, to be worthy of his love. It allows us to live a life of faith and gratitude which makes life truly abundant!