Courage vs. Fear

Can I let you in on a little secret?

 Fear is a part of EVERYONE'S life. I don't care who you are, everyone has fears of some sort and fear will always be a part of life.   The problem with fear is that most people let it immobilize them and hold them hostage from reaching their dreams.

We all have a comfort zone. That place that we tell ourselves feels safe but is it really?  As you look at the chart below and see the emotions in the yellow circle that are created when someone is living inside their  comfort zone are those emotions really comforting?

 I ask you to get deeply honest with yourself and acknowledge which of those things are you currently experiencing? Are you living paycheck to paycheck? Settling for less than you are really worth? Worrying all the time about, "What if?" Feeling stuck, but also afraid of moving forward? Honestly, are any of those feelings truly comfortable?

Recently, I was at a Global Wealth Conference. Amy Walker, an amazing entrepreneur and business mentor, helped me to realize that being in my comfort zone produces just as much fear as getting out of it does. The only difference is that staying in my comfort zone just creates more of the same results that I am currently getting. By choosing to step into and through the fear that takes me outside my comfort zone will create the opportunity for growth, to experience new possibilities, and the ability to experience more of the feelings that you see outside of the yellow circle that represents your comfort zone. Which results would you rather experience?

Ambrose Redmoon said that, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than the fear." If your child was in danger would you sit and focus on all the things that could happen to you if rescued your child or would you focus on getting your child safe? I realize that is a "DUH!" question. Of course, you would focus on taking the action necessary to get your child to a safe place. Your adrenaline might be so high that you wouldn't even take the time to consider all the things that could go wrong.

However, take a minute and think about a fear you currently have about something you want to do or be. When making a decision it is wise to weigh out the pro's and cons but are you spending more time focusing on the "what if's" rather then the benefits if it was successful?

Another thing Amy taught me is that sometimes you have to be willing to be terrible at something before you get good at it. If you think of a baby learning to walk, in the beginning they are really terrible walkers. But because they keep trying eventually they get good at it. Letting the fear of looking stupid, or failing stops many from doing something they might actually, over time, be really good at and get a lot of satisfaction from doing it.

As I said earlier, everyone has fears. Those who succeed in reaching their dreams spend their time focusing on what they want, where they are going and finding the solutions to get there. When a fear comes up instead of allowing themselves to focus on all the "what if's" that would keep them from moving forward they are more focused on the results if the outcome were positive not the outcome if they fail.

What you focus on becomes bigger! So why not spend time thinking about creating bigger positive results in your life instead of creating bigger and bigger fears?!

If you find that fear is continually keeping you from really creating the life that you want to live it may be time to get to the root of the false beliefs that are creating those fears by having a Transformational Energy Session. If you have never had an energy session then go to http://www.transformationbodyandenergywork.com and book your free Mini-session. If you have had energy work before it may be time for an "energy tune-up." and you can use the same link to book your 90 minute energy session. 

Are You Giving Your Agency Away?

Along with self-worth, personal power is the epicenter of important character traits to possess. Someone who is constantly giving his or her power away really doesn't have agency.  The "who" or the "what" they are giving their agency to has all the power.

The most common "what," a person will give their power away to is negative self-talk. The minute you believe what that big bully in your mind is telling you your power is taken over with feelings of doubt, fear, and low-self worth.  It is impossible to grow, move forward and work towards manifesting your potential with those emotions controlling your thoughts.

Negative self talk usually accompanies negative feelings towards yourself or others. This takes away your power to unconditionally love yourself and others. Love is the greatest power on earth so giving your power to any emotions that don’t create love will take away your agency to feel happy and peaceful. I know this may sound a little too "Pollyanna" but when you realize that hanging onto a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the person you have the grudge against to get sick, you will realize you are only hurting yourself. It's perfectly OK to be angry, resentful, hateful, or whatever the emotion is. Feel it, process through it, but hanging onto it for a long period of time only destroys your health and mental well being.

An obvious "what" that people give their power away to are addictions. They come in many forms that people are not always aware of such as being addicted to how many likes you get on a Facebook post to feel loved and valued or to emotions like anger, hate, overwhelm, and fear. Sugar is also a highly addictive substance that few can live without and is a huge trigger for depression and anxiety.  It doesn't matter if someone is addicted to drugs, alcohol, porn, electronics, food, sex etc. they all take away the ability to feel the spirit, love yourself, and have healthy relationships.

The last "what" I'm going to touch on are those that are constantly giving their power away to fear. Fear is Satan's greatest tool because it will stop your progression in its tracks. Fear makes you feel powerless, hopeless, and even helpless. It is one of the biggest agency thief's because it holds you hostage to whatever you are afraid of with unending, limiting, false beliefs as well as debilitating anxiety.

Then there are all the "who's" that people give their power away to. Again there are the obvious ones, those that give their power away in controlling or abusive relationships. But the less obvious ones are people pleasers that are constantly giving away their power because they fear if they don't please that person they won't be liked, and/or loved. Or the approval seeker that does whatever it takes to gain another’s approval.

You also give your power away when you allow others to make you feel less than, stupid, embarrassed, ugly, fat, poor, etc. No one can hurt your feelings or make you feel anything without your permission. You are the one that is choosing to be over-sensitive, and own the negative label or feedback. Most of the time when someone is mean or rude to you it is really a mirror of how they feel about themselves and really has nothing to do with you. When you choose to take it on its like taking their dirty laundry and choosing to wear it.

People also give their power away to an illness. They talk about the illness like a possession such as my depression, or my cancer. This takes away all hope of healing from it or at the very least controlling it. You notice no one ever says, "My flu." The flu is something most people heal from. But when people talk about cancer, an illness that isn't always healed they say, "my cancer." or if they are experiencing depression they will say, "my depression."  Instead of claiming an illness or disease as yours use the words, "The (illness) that I am currently experiencing." That gives your body permission to accept that it is something that is affecting your life in the present, but can be controlled or cured and may not affect your life in the future. Even if a disease is terminal it certainly doesn't define you as a person.

One of the greatest examples of someone who owned their power is Jesus Christ.  Through his meek and humble way he was true to himself and God. He lived with faith and trust in God and His divine plan. He was meek and humble even when the Sadducees and Pharisees confronted him and his character was being insulted. He did not shrink, and wasn't intimidated. He knew who he was what his mission was here on this earth and he didn't allow doubt or fear to get in his way.  He wasn't afraid to proclaim his truth nor was he afraid if others didn't like what he had to say. He lived authentically, passionately, confidently, faithfully, and lovingly. He was spiritually centered which made him strong in faith, steadfast through trials, and immovable in living true to his mission.

Being Christ-like is our ultimate goal, but most likely a goal that we will not master in this life. However, by taking an honest look at the emotions, addictions, or people that you are giving your power away to is the first step to reclaiming your agency in that area of your life.

If you would like assistance in finding the emotions, addictions, or people you are giving your power away to energy work is a way to speed up the discovery process. Your energy knows what is creating any disfunction in your life. I have the gift of getting to the answers as well as giving you to the tools to change it.

 If you are a first time client book a FREE mini-session to experience the power of energy work for yourself. If your currently a client it may be time for a tune-up! I'd love to see you!

BOOK YOUR SESSION BY CLICKING HERE!

Saturday, March 5th from 10:30 to 1:00 at The Kaysville Martial Arts Academy located at 341 N. Market Street in Kaysville Seating is Limiited! Register Here To Save Your Seat! Five Reasons You Want To  Learn How To Talk To Your  Body Through Muscle  Testing! To take the guesswork out of determining what foods you are allergic to. To determine what foods your body responds the best so that you can be healthy and have lots of energy.   To determine which supplements your body needs, how much to take, and when is the best time of day to take them. Checking where your emotional vibration is at each and every day and knowing what to do to raise it when it's low. To determine what trapped emotions are creating feelings of fear, depression, anxiety, stuckness etc. as well as how to clear them. To determine the vibration of things such as books, movies, and foods so you can determine if they are worth spending your money on.  Your spirit knows what you need to experience more health, happiness, and wholeness. Muscle testing is an easy way to tune into your body mind and spirit and access the information that is stored there.  It's easier to learn than you think and is an amazing tool to have! By the end of Saturday's class you will: begin to be able to tune into your body to get the information stored in your energy field. know the right questions to ask the body to get good answers. be given a list of books I use along with muscle testing to get valuable information about my health. be given the Transformation Code© emotion chart to help you determine your trapped emotions. know how to clear trapped emotions in your own body. learn how to protect yourself from taking on others negative emotions. This class is 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed! If you are not thrilled with the information you received by the end of class I will refund your money. So what have you got to lose? REGISTER NOW  Saturday, March 5th from 10:30 to 1:00!  Bring a friend that isn't a client and get $10.00 off  your tuition!

A New Perspective On Weaknesses!

If there was one thing that I could just wave a magic wand and shift for my clients it would be to get them to put away the beat-up stick. Beating yourself up for your mistakes, shortcomings, and forgetfulness does NOTHING except lower your vibration which disconnects you from God, yourself, and the spirit, creating anger, sadness, guilt, shame and self-loathing. Not a recipe for healthy personal growth!

But since I don't have a magic wand the next best thing that I can do is to share with you a different, healthy way to look at your weaknesses. What if you looked at your weaknesses as an opportunity to learn powerful, universal truths, to grow in wisdom and knowledge, to develop emotional muscles of determination, perseverance, and Christ-like love? Gifts that will allow you to build a solid foundation of trust in yourself and God, which will result in confidence and self-worth. A gift everyone desires, but can only be created from the inside out. A gift where the receiver can only be the giver.  


First off, lets define what a weakness is. A weakness is a habit, a character flaw, or lack of wisdom that creates a result in your life that isn't what you really want. Weaknesses come from three sources. They are either a pattern handed down from previous generations, a false belief (which can be a generational), or just plain lack of experience or knowledge. For instance one of my biggest weaknesses that I have worked to overcome is being a control freak. This is something that is generational within my family especially on my dads side. I wanted everything to be my way, and on my time frame. My false belief was that if everyone would just do what I said, when I said, and how I said that life would work and we all would be happy and successful. Well the reality is my desire for control just created anger, resentment and feelings of low-self worth within my children, husband, and myself. Creating the result that we all felt like failures, and no one was happy. 

So what are the gifts in all of that pain and agony you might wonder?  About 10 years ago my husband and I attended a training where it was brought to my attention that this was the main reason why my life and especially my relationships were in shambles.  Which created the first gift I received-- humility, which is the ability to be teachable. I was in enough pain that I was willing to get down on my knees and ask God to help me learn how to overcome this weakness.  This opened me up to attract the the perfect experiences, the perfect people, and the perfect books and articles to help me learn new, healthier ways of thinking and feeling about things.  

The second gift is I'm learning to let go of what I can't change, turning it over to God and trusting that it will all work out in divine order. I also am learning to not let the results of the things that I can't change or that are out of my control, especially with my children, affect my self-worth. Basing my worth and value on the performance of myself or others is where pride resides, and creates emotional chaos! Only having worth when things go well and having no worth when they don't!

The third gift I'm learning is how to be more unconditionally loving. If my worth isn't based on anything outside myself and is grounded on the solid foundation that God loves me NO MATTER WHAT then it is much easier to love myself dispite my faults and shortcomings. It also allows me to have patience and compassion towards myself while I learn new things and work on refining the areas where I fall short due to, character flaws, bad habits, or lack of knowledge. 

The last and best gift of all is that this experience has created the empathy that allows my coaching clients a safe space to be human and vulnerable so that they can clear out their generational patterns and false beliefs making it easier to work on and overcome their weaknesses. I have also learned many tools that I can pass onto my coaching clients so that their journey gain more happiness and fulfillment in their life can happen in months and not years. 

The biggest lesson I have learned is that as I am willing to be humble and ask God how to turn a weakness into a strength, and be patient and compassionate towards myself,  I receive the opportunity to learn and grow, and be fulfilled in the journey. Creating a place to be happy today, as a work in progress, not when I'm perfect!

READ ON TO LEARN ABOUT MY GROUP AND INDIVIDUAL COACHING PROGRAMS!

__________________________________________________________________________

GROUP COACHING AT AN AFFORDABLE PRICE!

There is a reason why great athletes hire a coach to help them grow and learn the skills necessary to do well in their chosen sport. A good coach has had the life experiences necessary to help the athlete reach their goals and will provide the support and tools to teach the athlete new skills as well as a winning mindset. He will also hold him or her accountable to do the work to get the results they desire.

Living a spiritually centered life is the key to emotional stability, self worth, confidence, financial abundance, as well as happy and healthy relationships.  Over the last few years I have learned many tools and gotten rid of many false beliefs that have helped me to create a healthier mindset which has drastically changed my life! I no longer am depressed, feel worthless, overwhelmed and unhappy. In fact in 2015 I was able to double my income which allowed my husband to quit a job he hated last February, and go back to school and update his skills. I would have never been able to do this without the tools that have changed my mindset that I am going to share with you in this 10 week group coaching program!

This opportunity will only be available to the first 10 people that e-mail me and tell me that they want in!

In the next 10 weeks you will learn:

1. The power of living from a spiritual mindset in a temporal world!
2. How to create self-worth on a solid foundation that doesn't go up and down depending your performance or how you are treated!
3. How to create joy in the journey!
4. How to live with pure intention!
5. To fully utilize the Law of the Harvest!
6. The power in gratitude!
7. Prayer + Meditation + Faith + Committed Action = Success!
8. Forgiveness for self and others!
9. To make friends with time!
10. The 4 steps to lower the stress in your life.

Start your week out right by joining me for a one hour coaching call from the comfort of your home, or office via webinar. (You will be able to participate each week by computer or cell phone.) Each webinar will be recorded so if you are unable to attend live you can listen to it later at your convenience.  However, only those listening live will be able to get their questions answered and have their false beliefs cleared during the group energy clearing.  This is an unheard of coaching opportunity because anyone currently living in your home may listen to the recordings! This means your whole family can benefit!

Each week we will go over the homework from the previous week and answer any questions you may have. Then I will teach you how to make that weeks topic a solid part of your life. Next, I will do a group clearing to find any generational patterns and false beliefs that may be in your way of being able to incorporate this principle into your life as well as answer any questions you may have and give you the exercises to incorporate the topic that week into your life.

Coaching calls will be held every Monday at 12:00 P.M.  
Starting Monday, January 11th.
I would also be willing to do a Tuesday night call at 7:00 if there was enough interest. If you would prefer Tuesday evenings please email me at jvanleer@comast.net.

To reserve your spot e-mail me at jvanleer@comcast.net. I will send you an invoice via PayPal to make paying for your coaching easy! You will have the option to pay a one time fee of $199.00 or you can make two payments four weeks apart of $110.00.

Remember I am only taking the first 10 people that tell me that they want in. So don't take too long to make up your mind!
 __________________________________________________
Do you want to create even bigger results? Then read on for my individual coaching program! 
Start the new year out on the right foot with my 8 week individual coaching program! By coaching with me for 8 weeks you will be given the opportunity to peel away the layers that are keeping you stuck in any and all areas of your life as well as learn how to incorporate powerful tools and life-skills to create the success you desire in 2016.

I am currently running a special for $50 off my 8 week coaching package for anyone that is willing to commit and put $200 down by January 15th!

If you are ready to take your life in whole new and exciting way then go to www.janettevanleer.com and book your mini-session today. Or call me at 801-628-4880. This will give you the opportunity to experience my technique first-hand and make sure that it is the right fit for you.

By going to my website and clicking on CLIENT EXPERIENCES you can read many testimonials of satisfied clients. 

Happy Holidays = Giving + Receiving
How can we truly have joy this holiday season? By being a good giver as well as a receiver. 

It is a natural law in the universe that in order for there to be a giver there must be a receiver.  For life to flow optimally we must allow ourselves to benefit from both in our lives. When the scales are tipped too far or too long in one area or the other, ones health, relationships and even finances will suffer.

The key to experiencing the full joy that comes from giving and receiving is utilizing the greatest power on earth, unconditional love for yourself as well as others.  

There are many out there who  are trying so hard to create self-worth by giving, they give so much that they are depleted. Their energy is that of a martyr. Yet, because their self-worth is conditional on giving, giving, giving, they won't allow another's love to fill their cup by receiving the service offered to them. Even with a compliment. If someone gives them a compliment they push it away because they don't accept that it's truth. It's like someone giving you ten dollars and not believing that the money they are giving you has value and just throwing it away. Subconsciously, they have a false belief that allowing others to serve them makes them selfish or weak. Then when others do serve them it actually depletes their cup even more. 

Then there are those that are only willing to give if they will get something in return. This also stems from low-self worth because they base their worth on how willing others are to do things for them. 

Finally,there are those that are people pleasers and can't say, "no" for fear of making the other person mad or not being liked. This also creates a deficit of self-worth because the person giving feels like a martyr or even used.

For many years my mother-in-law has done a Christmas Eve brunch for her children and grandchildren. When I asked her yesterday if she was going to do it this year she honestly said that with everything she had on her plate she didn't feel up to it this year. I admired her for her honesty and it allowed my husband and I the opportunity to serve as we told her we would do it this year. She showed herself unconditional love by not pushing herself past her limits and we could also be unconditionally loving by keeping the family tradition that so many look forward to. 

When someone gives from a space of unconditional love with no expectation of wanting something in return it opens up the space for the receiver to truly feel loved and valued. Only when love is unconditionally given is it able to be unconditionally received. This allows both the giver and the receiver to feel the joy of feeling unconditionally loved.

This holiday season it is my wish that you are able to give and receive the greatest gift of all, unconditional love, which is the pure love of Christ, whom this season is really about.

THE POWER OF OUR WORDS

       What we say and how we say it is a reflection of our thoughts and belief systems. Words are energy. They have a vibration and the energy and vibration of the words affects not only who we are talking to, but who we are talking about as well as ourselves and the results we create in our lives.
       When we talk we are either speaking words that create increase or decrease. When someone is focused on negative, limited thinking they will speak in the language that creates decrease. It usually entails thoughts of , "why me?" "I never get a break" and "life is hard!". They are constantly living in the past or the future and are very inward focused. When someone chooses to focus on the positive they are more focused on being in gratitude. They are problem solvers and solution finders. They live in the moment and are outward focused.
       When I am first meeting with a client I listen carefully to the words they use because they are a good indication of how they think and what they focus on. For instance, if they are saying things like, "He MADE me mad." or "I HAD to do whatever for someone." I know that they are living in a space of victim and being a martyr and are giving their power away and is an indication of how energywork can help them.
          The truth is no one can MAKE you mad without your permission. The minute you give them permission you are also giving them your power. Why do you think your kids love to push your buttons so much? Subconsciously, we give away our power because they hit one of our sore spots and triggered our fear button, not enough button,  feeling out of control button, or our irritation button. Then we habitually react to the situation and give it power to create negative energy. Becoming more aware of your thoughts, weaknesses and triggers allows you to step back and look at it with a better perspective. Then you are at choice and can take complete responsibility for how you feel act towards the situation. It will give you more power and insight to think of a positive solution, or if there isn't an immediate solution you can choose to put it a place of neutrality in Gods hands. That way you are not using up all your energy living in fear, worry, and/or anger.
       Also, unless someone is threatening you no one can MAKE you do anything. Usually the things we do that we say we HAVE to do are because we don't want the consequences if we don't. If we are doing something just to please someone else or to avoid a negative consequence we are still CHOOSING to do it. So if you are constantly being MADE to do things or HAVE to do things then I would analyze your motive for doing them. Are you giving your power away? Are you being a people pleaser at the expense of your own health and happiness? Are you reacting instead of acting proactively to the circumstances around you? Do you need to set some boundaries in your relationships? Do you need to shift your attitude around the tasks you are feeling MADE to do? Doing things because we HAVE TO will zap your energy and passion for life quick.
       I currently have a client that is a great example of not being a victim and a martyr of your circumstances. This client has a very negative wife and depressed. She is always criticizing him. No matter what he does he can't do anything right or please her in any way.  She is open to seeing a counselor so he is hopeful that between that, the right medication, and showing her unconditional love she will begin to change and they can create a happy marriage. During this time he has made the choice that despite his wife's attitude he is going to be happy. He is choosing to focus on what is working in his life instead of what isn't. He understands that happiness comes from within and it isn't his wife's job to make him happy. He looks for and talks about the good things or even what he dreams his marriage will be some day when it is healed. He writes her love letters and focuses on who he knows she really is inside, not how she is currently behaving. Despite how she treats him he treats her like the daughter of God that she is. As he comes in each week I am amazed at how he is able to maintain a high vibration despite the circumstances that he is living in. He also understands how harmful it is to stuff his emotions so he comes on a weekly basis to clear his frustrations and things that come up so he isn't harboring resentment or anger. What a powerful example he is being to his children by showing them that your circumstances don't have to dictate your attitude. As he uses positive words, behaves in a positive respectful manner, and continues to create habits that will create a healthy marriage he can feel good about himself and that he did everything he could to make his marriage work. Then whether this marriage works out or not he won't have any regrets because he gave it his all.
     Now lets look at a few of the words we say that create low vibrational energy verses words that create high vibrational energy. This is called speaking the language of increase verses the language of decrease:
                    I'll try----------verses---------------I will
                    I have to-------verses---------------I get to
                    I can't----------verses-------------- even though it won't be perfect or I'll work towards it
                    It's hard--------verses--------------its challenging                  
                    I don't have the $ ------verses-----I choose to spend my abundance on other things
                    I have (illness) verses--------------I am experiencing the symptoms of
                 
       As we look deeper into the power if the words you use, if you asked someone to do something for you which words would make you feel more secure?  The response of, "I'll try to" verses the response of "I will." Obviously, if someone says, "I will" there is a lot better change of them coming through. Another example is, if I ask you to pick up a pen off the table there is no try. You either pick it up or you don't. Now you might be saying what about those things that you do that you don't know if you can or not but your willing to try them. Trying is definitely better than letting fear of failure get in your way but what about instead of trying to lose weight, your learning how to let your body release weight. (You always want to find what you've lost.) Or you're working towards getting into a size smaller than you currently are. The words "I will", "I'm learning how", or "I'm working towards" definitely speak the possibility of success more than "I'll try."
       Lets look at "I have to" verses "I get to." If there is a task that you don't want to do like unloading the dishwasher. Say out loud, "I HAVE to unload the dishwasher." Now say, "I GET to unload the dishwasher." Even though your still not super excited to unload the dishwasher, saying, "I get to" verses, "I have to" totally changes the energy around the task.
       Then there's the words "I can't". Now it's a no brainer that the minute you say I can't your brain believes you. So this is where you "get" to give yourself permission to make mistakes while your going through the learning curve. Now there are things that you can't do obviously. As much as I have had dreams that I could, I can't fly. However, if there is something I'm feeling inspired to do that is out of my comfort zone. I will be a lot more successful in my life if I give my permission to do it, even if there is a possibility of failure while you figure it out or increase your abilities and knowledge about how to do it successfully.
       Listen to the how heavy the words, "Its hard" are. I workout with a great group of girls in the morning. Strengthening your core is very important to include in a workout, but is my LEAST favorite thing to do.  Holding your body up in a side plank while balancing on the sides of your feet and your elbow with your other hand in the air for 90 seconds is not my favorite thing to do. However, my back is an area that is important to me to strengthen because of an injury I had when I was little. Notice I didn't speak that I have back problems or claim that my back is weak. To speak about this exercise in the language of increase we have committed to say that planks are challenging and even fulfilling, not hard and it does feel like an accomplishement when they are done.
       Continually having money problems? Scarcity mindset, and scarcity talk is a big reason why people continually attract to them just enough or don't even attract enough money to get them though the month. An abundance mindset and talking in an abundant way is a powerful way to start attracting abundance to you. Even if you only have enough money to pay your bills with nothing left over saying, "I choose to spend my abundance on food, and electricity" creates a lot more possibilities than saying, "I can't afford that" or worse, "I'm broke."
       Last but not least lets talk about an illnesses. The words "I have" means to claim or own. The minute you say, "I have cancer" or whatever the illness is, you are claiming it as part of you.   Saying, "I have an illness is like welcoming someone  into your home that wants to harm you and giving them a room to live in. When you say, "I'm experiencing the effects of or symptoms of..." whatever it is, it acknowledges that something is going on, but there is all the possibility in the world that it will heal or that you can overcome it.
       I encourage you to really notice the words you say and the energy behind them. Do you speak the language of increase or decrease? Are you focused on the possibilities or the limitations? What is working or what isn't working? Are you focused on all your blessings or what you lack? I would love to hear any experiences you may have that create different results just from using the language of increase verses the language of decrease.
     
     

     

     

I Will Not Be A Casualty of Fear!

I love it when universal life tools manifest during a session! With this clients permission I want to share an amazing tool for overcoming fear, anxiety, and depression.

I have learned from my own struggles with depression that when I am depressed it is because I have been giving my power away and usually it has something to do with control or the lack of, and fear.
This particular client spent the week not really being a able to function because she had been giving 60% of her power away through negative thoughts to things she felt like she had no control over. Any machine doesn't work very well when it's only functioning at 40% of its capacity!

As we dug into it further I helped her to realized the following pattern that has been creating a lot of dysfunction in her life: 

Wanting to control something or someone outside of her.

Which leads to.....

Fear 

which leads to....

Feeling frantic and anxious

which leads to...

Being disconnected from herself and the spirit 

which leads to...

Inability to make wise decisions 

which leads to.... 

Feeling stuck 

which leads to....

Depression, hopelessness, and despair

Which leads to...

Physically and mentally not having the energy to effectively function in life.

So here is the tool!

Now that she is aware of this she can choose to stop the insanity by tuning into when she is feeling powerless and out of control before it gets to the disconnection and depression stage by asking.....

What is it I am trying to control that I can't?

Then ask...

Who and/or what am I blaming for this issue? (that only keeps the negative energy going)
 
Then ask...

How can I use the atonement of Jesus Christ to help me forgive who I need to forgive (usually it's yourself) and to give me strength? If you look up grace in the bible dictionary it says, "the main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ."

Then ask...

If I was to look at this situation through eyes of faith and trust instead of fear and doubt what would I see differently about this situation?

Then ask....

What is within my power to change and what do I need to let go of and turn over to God trusting that all is in divine order for everyone's growth and learning?

Boom! You are back to receiving the power that faith brings into your life rather than giving your power away to fear, hopelessness, and depression.

Is there a such a thing as the perfect parent?
It would be nice if family life looked like the picture on the right all the time. However, more than likely you will have one child who is excited and on board with the activity you want them to do and other children who are resistant it. It's the resistance that creates the perfect opportunity for learning and growth on part of the parent as well as the child.

I don't know about you but I didn't look down at my newborn and say, "Boy! I am so excited to be your parent so I can screw you up!" But, as I am moving into a new season of life and the youngest of my four children is 18 I am seeing many results of my parenting that have created positive things as well as what many would feel were negative in my children's lives. 

I just got off the phone with one of my coaching clients,  who was feeling bad about a parenting decision she made when her daughter was little. I am also coaching her adult daughter. In her daughters session last week her intention was that she wanted to be more confident and assertive. As we energetically (because her energy has all her answers) dug into what experiences created the result of her not feeling confident or assertive it went back to when she was little and she wanted to look cute and wear dresses to school.  Her mom, worrying that her legs would be cold in the snowy, winter weather made her wear pants. The mom obviously had her daughter best interests at heart. She was not trying to create low self worth. in her daughter, but because her daughter couldn't dress the way that she wanted she didn't feel heard, valued, and more specifically understood. When I talked to the mother, she felt terrible to learn that decisions she had made in an effort to protect and care for her daughter could have had such a negative impact. She wondered how many other parenting decisions, seemingly made in good faith, had hurt her children's lives.


The reality of this situation is that everything is IN PERFECT ORDER! Because of the mom's actions the daughter is having the perfect  opportunity to learn how to live her truth and discover her value. This is something we all have to learn, and usually doesn't happen until we are adults. Even though as a six year old the daughter, to be obedient, she had to wear pants; this experience and others that followed have provided her with the learning opportunity necessary empower her as an adult to quit giving her power away to others.  She now knows that she does not like the results that she has been getting her whole life by giving her power away and worrying what others think and is asking the questions necessary to learn how to create something different. PERFECT!

Her mom was the PERFECT MOM for her to learn what she came here to learn! Just because we have a child that is experiencing some bumps and bruises in life that we can see how we may have naively contributed too doesn't mean we failed as a parent! It's part of the cycle of growth and learning and gaining the experience that we all agreed to when we chose into Heavenly Fathers plan.

Now that I am at the stage in the parenting game that my children are adults, I have come to realize that my children have been as big of a teacher to me as I have been to them.  Now we both have the choice and opportunity to look at the lessons that we have taught each other and learn from them or to sit and beat each other up for them. 

The truth is EVERYONE in our life is a teacher in some way or another. The key is to be teachable!  When we are teachable and ask, "What can I learn from this experience?" the lessons that different people and experiences teach us will be a lot shorter and we will grow a lot faster. But the most rewarding part is that if we can trust that it's all in divine order instead of getting down on ourselves for our mistakes we will be much happier, our burdens will be much lighter, and life will actually be more fulfilling. And lets not forget that the biggest lesson that we are all here to learn is that we all have worth and value even though we are not perfect.

So parents put away the beat up stick for what you may consider to be mistakes. Mistakes are merely learning opportunities and its part of Gods plan that we all have plenty of them.